Courage is Running Toward the Threat
I had the opportunity to participate in a year-long leadership class last year, and in our very last session, a new facilitator DeeDee joined us. She had fascinating stories about teaching leadership in all sorts of environments, and one that heavily resonated with me was how a native Hawai’ian group (if I recall correctly!!) taught leadership and courage.
For this particular warrior tribe, addressing a threat (let’s imagine this threat to be another warrior coming at you with a spear) was trained in three phases. The first step is to be light on your feet, able to pivot to avoid the spear that’s hurling through the air in your direction. The second step is to catch the spear in-flight, as it’s coming your way – to stop its advance. Lastly, the third step is to head into the threat, making your best defense be a powerful offense. It’s not animal instinct to head toward whatever predator has its sights on us, but when you can turn the hunter into the hunted, proverbially speaking of course, you are in a much more powerful position.
Before meeting DeeDee, I had assimilated a thought of my own in this similar vein. For me, I think of it as “steering into the wind.” By nature, I’m fairly conflict averse, so given the opportunity, I naturally will avoid picking fights. On the surface, this makes it sound like I’m a terrific member of society! However, the problem is that if there is an issue, avoiding addressing it or pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t actually solve anything. In some cases it may make matters worse, and at the least it simply prolongs the agony of whatever the issue is. Believe me – I’ve stayed in dead relationships for upwards of a year more than once, just to avoid THE CONVERSATION (you know the one!). The problem of course is that eventually the breakups still happened, but I’d wasted all that time that I could have been out meeting other people, or at the very least not worrying myself and annoying my best friends by being miserable!
I’ve learned since then that it’s better to have it out with whomever and on whatever topic sooner rather than later. It gives all involved parties better peace of mind, and lets us each move forward (you know I hate wasting life time!), rather than swirling in unhappiness or oblivion.
Action Challenge: When you have a challenge, problem, or issue that’s nagging at you, and you don’t think it’s going to solve itself, bring the problem out into the light and just do it!
Assuming it’s an issue with someone else, prepare for the conversation by trying to see their side, so you know where they’re coming from and can speak to it intelligently. If it’s complex, jot down your concerns, and how you think they might be able to be resolved. If it’s simple (like, say, “hey I want to date other people”), you may not need to take this extra step of preparing. In either case, get some time with the person or people who can help solve your problem (or who are your problem), take a deep breath, and just start talking. Never ever expect them to read your mind and act according to your wishes, if you’re not willing to let them know what they are!!! You’ll find that the conversation may suck, but at least you’re having it today instead of 8 months down the line, and you’ll breathe much easier tomorrow.
If on the other hand, your challenge is solely within yourself – perhaps you want to start a new career, but are afraid to try or overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the endeavor, you just need to take the first step. The second and third and subsequent steps will be that much easier. If you don’t know how to approach it, ask a friend to help you brainstorm first action steps and take it from there.
Be brave, be strong, and steer into the wind. If you choose to sail only the way the wind is going, you’ll never make it to your chosen destination port!
Cheers and all my best to you!
~Brooxi
"All our dreams can come true - if we have the courage to pursue them."
- Walt Disney
© Stephanie Brooks 2008
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