Open Letters to A, M, & G: Anonymity is a Cop-out

If you can’t say something constructive, don’t say anything at all

In 1998, I had the opportunity to attend a two week GE leadership training course in Atlanta, GA. The instructor was a professor from Indiana University, Ivor K. Davies, who taught us a wide range of subjects from resume creation to the psychology of furniture (yes, seriously!).

One of the golden nuggets I took away from Prof. Davies is the concept of signing your feedback. We’re often given opportunities to provide feedback, and generally putting your name to it is optional. When something’s wrong, boy isn’t it *great* to be able to give someone a piece of your mind, and be able to smile and walk away as if nothing’s wrong, knowing you secretly let ‘em have it? They’ll surely get the message, but won’t hate you for it. Win win, right?

Wellllllllll…… let’s turn the tables for a minute. If you royally screw up, and someone writes anonymous, pointed nasty feedback, how inspired are you to take it to heart and do something differently? Do you immediately get defensive? Do you perhaps downplay the mean comments, deciding it’s just from a bitter person who hates his own life?

Giving thoughtful feedback takes courage, especially if your feedback isn’t all sunshine and roses. Prof. Davies’ point was that if you can’t sign your own feedback, you probably shouldn’t be giving it in its current form. You should take the extra time to ensure your feedback is constructive, and touches both strengths and weaknesses of whatever the subject matter is. Most people are more worried about hurting or offending others with their feedback than afraid of negative repercussions. This being the case, overlaying your feedback with kindness and honesty goes a long way. Because most of us don’t like to encourage others to hate us, by signing our name to our feedback, we naturally self-govern our commentary.

I coordinated a two day class at work this week, and at the end of day 2 we handed out feedback request forms. I’m so delighted that 14 of 15 people put their name on the papers, and I’m thrilled to have the suggestions of what we can do better next time. They weren’t all easy recommendations, but they were honest, and I know who to ask for more detail and suggestions as needed. That was a true gift to me.

Action Challenge: Before sending off your feedback, re-read what you wrote. Were you fair in your comments? Was your feedback fact based or opinion based? If you were absolutely fair and factual, it should be easy to sign it. If the feedback was opinion based, did you state it as an opinion (“I felt uncomfortable when you confronted Joe that way”) or as inflammatory “fact”? (“You suck!”) Did you provide concrete examples and recommendations on how to improve the situation or just complain about the status quo? People are much more likely to act on feedback that is clear, factual, and solution-based than vague, inflammatory hate mail. Write your feedback with the kindness you’d show to your grandmother, and the firm honesty you’d receive from an esteemed teacher. Make sure you make all of your points, eliminating unnecessary insults, sarcastic humor, and flaming. Lastly, whether providing your name is optional or not – have the courage to sign it, date it, and print your name if your signature resembles chicken scratch.

If John Hancock was willing to sign his name extra large on the US Declaration of Independence so King George could see it with his failing eyesight, you certainly can sign your feedback too. There’s probably a lot less at stake, compared with colonial revolution!