Dogs Don't Stress Over Sabre Tooth Tigers

IF

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can get going without pep pills,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time

If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, no fault of yours, something goes wrong,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him,

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend,

If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics,

Then, my Brother, you are as good as your dog."

This poem, origin unknown to me, pretty much says it all [even for us cat people!]. It’s not often that we will allow ourselves to be humbled by the zen of a dog, but each time I reconnect with this piece, I remind myself to take a step back and focus on that which is really important in life. I have a dog of my own – granted Harley is trapped in a cat’s body – but he pretty much exemplifies the lines above. I should follow his example.

Compared to our ancestors thousands of years ago, we are living lives that our bodies weren’t designed for. Whereas the fight or flight mechanism protected us from saber tooth tigers and wildebeest stampedes back in the day, we were able to turn it off while relaxing in our cozy caves by the fire ring. In today’s world, we never really turn off the stress, which gets compounded by information overload on the TV, Internet, and Newspapers daily. As Melissaism has observed, around this area, going to Starbucks is a Type A experience. You’ve barely lifted your tush from your chair before someone else is sitting in it behind you, squawking on their cell phone with their grande soy two yellow extra hot caramel no whip decaf macchiato in hand. Jeesh! Our fight or flight response is never deactivated.

In 1975, Dr. Herbert Benson of the Harvard Medical School published a revolutionary book, The Relaxation Response. He was one of the first to link stress to disease, and although his research methods were criticized by the medical community, the book jumped to the top of the NY Times best seller list within a matter of weeks. He makes extremely compelling cases for the linkages, which have since been backed up with significant study, and now it’s fairly universally accepted that stress causes ulcers, high blood pressure, and other nasty afflictions that lead to quadruple bypass surgeries and premature death. It’s also fairly well documented that stress related diseases are more prevalent in higher-paced, “developed” societies.

Action Challenge: Stop and smell the roses. Identify one destructive force in your life (internal or external), and see if you can wean yourself off of it. Personally, I gave up caffeine about a month ago; this is something I’ve been doing on and off for ten years now, and I hope to keep it up longer this time. I find I sleep deeper and longer (discounting the alarm clock of course), and falling asleep is easier. This is just one small flaw of mine – I definitely have room to improve on almost all of the other dog-like qualities above. How about you?

Cheers and all my best to you!
~Brooxi

“I’m trying to become the person my dog thinks I am.”

- Doyle Brunson

© Stephanie Brooks 2008

Anonymity is a Cop-out

If you can’t say something constructive, don’t say anything at all

In 1998, I had the opportunity to attend a two week GE leadership training course in Atlanta, GA. The instructor was a professor from Indiana University, Ivor K. Davies, who taught us a wide range of subjects from resume creation to the psychology of furniture (yes, seriously!).

One of the golden nuggets I took away from Prof. Davies is the concept of signing your feedback. We’re often given opportunities to provide feedback, and generally putting your name to it is optional. When something’s wrong, boy isn’t it *great* to be able to give someone a piece of your mind, and be able to smile and walk away as if nothing’s wrong, knowing you secretly let ‘em have it? They’ll surely get the message, but won’t hate you for it. Win win, right?

Wellllllllll…… let’s turn the tables for a minute. If you royally screw up, and someone writes anonymous, pointed nasty feedback, how inspired are you to take it to heart and do something differently? Do you immediately get defensive? Do you perhaps downplay the mean comments, deciding it’s just from a bitter person who hates his own life?

Giving thoughtful feedback takes courage, especially if your feedback isn’t all sunshine and roses. Prof. Davies’ point was that if you can’t sign your own feedback, you probably shouldn’t be giving it in its current form. You should take the extra time to ensure your feedback is constructive, and touches both strengths and weaknesses of whatever the subject matter is. Most people are more worried about hurting or offending others with their feedback than afraid of negative repercussions. This being the case, overlaying your feedback with kindness and honesty goes a long way. Because most of us don’t like to encourage others to hate us, by signing our name to our feedback, we naturally self-govern our commentary.

I coordinated a two day class at work this week, and at the end of day 2 we handed out feedback request forms. I’m so delighted that 14 of 15 people put their name on the papers, and I’m thrilled to have the suggestions of what we can do better next time. They weren’t all easy recommendations, but they were honest, and I know who to ask for more detail and suggestions as needed. That was a true gift to me.

Action Challenge: Before sending off your feedback, re-read what you wrote. Were you fair in your comments? Was your feedback fact based or opinion based? If you were absolutely fair and factual, it should be easy to sign it. If the feedback was opinion based, did you state it as an opinion (“I felt uncomfortable when you confronted Joe that way”) or as inflammatory “fact”? (“You suck!”) Did you provide concrete examples and recommendations on how to improve the situation or just complain about the status quo? People are much more likely to act on feedback that is clear, factual, and solution-based than vague, inflammatory hate mail. Write your feedback with the kindness you’d show to your grandmother, and the firm honesty you’d receive from an esteemed teacher. Make sure you make all of your points, eliminating unnecessary insults, sarcastic humor, and flaming. Lastly, whether providing your name is optional or not – have the courage to sign it, date it, and print your name if your signature resembles chicken scratch.

If John Hancock was willing to sign his name extra large on the US Declaration of Independence so King George could see it with his failing eyesight, you certainly can sign your feedback too. There’s probably a lot less at stake, compared with colonial revolution!

Cheers and all my best to you!
~Brooxi

"Courage doesn’t necessarily mean the absence of fear."

-Doyle Brunson

© Stephanie Brooks 2008

Who's Your Guru's Guru?

No man is capable of self-improvement if he sees no other model but himself.

-- Conrado I. Generoso

Mentoring is one of my favorite activities. I have five people I’m actively mentoring at work right now, which is particularly rewarding especially as I no longer have a team of my own to coach and guide as part of my normal day job. Sravanthi and I went to lunch this week, and it was terrific having her walk me through a presentation she was particularly proud of creating. It was the output of the kind of project that she’s been anxious to do more of, and this was her first major opportunity to fly solo while her manager was on vacation. She did an excellent job and was on cloud nine! It was great - while I carefully listened to her updates of all the exciting things going on in her professional life, I also observed her a little bit from afar at the same time. Her eyes were *sparkling*, and her grin went from ear to ear. She’s buried in work right now and the company is navigating through choppy waters (as usual), but as a general observation, she’s so happy! For me, seeing someone succeed, particularly when I had even a teeny tiny part of it, is extremely gratifying. She and I have had many conversations over the years, with healthy doses of feedback, encouragement, tough-love, honesty, and laughter. It’s my way of paying others back, by paying it forward.

Last week, I took a risk and reached out to one of my company’s most senior executives (yikes!) to ask him if he’d take ME under his wing. I carefully selected someone that I respect tremendously, not just for his intelligence and leadership, but also for his energy, passion, and charisma. On top of that, he leads the organization that I hope to join in a year or so, as I progress from this assignment onto the next stepping stone of my chosen career path. I believe he can help me grow and succeed in my current role, while also guiding me toward setting myself up for the next one. I took a chance, laid out all of this in an email, took a deep breath, and sent it into the ether.

It took me a long time to write that email, not because I had any uncertainty regarding my request, but because I tried hard to articulate the win-win situation. I know without a doubt what’s in it for me, but how does one articulate to a senior leader what’s in it for him to spend his time mentoring someone several links down the food chain? On a grand scheme, all well run organizations expect their leaders at each level to grow and develop the staff junior to them. However, I felt awkward making the case that he should help me out because it was good for the company. He already knows that, and pragmatically, I don’t report into his organization. I felt self-conscious no matter what I wrote about why he might want to help me because either it sounded arrogant or pretentious or heaven knows what. Mentoring others motivates me, but you can’t automatically assume it does that for everyone. Finally in exchange for his mentoring I simply offered my candor on whatever topics he is interested in, commitment to work on developing that which we’ll discuss, and anything else I can do to be of assistance to him in the future. I’m hoping that part of that will be in a future role working for him, where I can kick some butt and be an asset to him and his team!

He wrote back less than an hour later, simply: “Love to! [His assistant] will set up!” I was OVERJOYED and I had a smile on my face all weekend. We’re getting together for lunch on Monday, and I can’t wait! It was worth taking the chance to ask.

Action Challenges:

Find a Mentor: Identify someone who’s doing that which you want to do. Approach them, and ask if they’re willing to take you on as a mentor. Be sure to carry your end of the burden – the mentee usually gets the better end of the deal – be prepared with an agenda for what you want to get out of your mentoring relationship. Bring questions you need help answering, and be honest in assessing where you currently stand. At the same time, when your mentor gives you advice, be sure to follow-through on his or her recommendations, and keep them informed as to how well it’s working! As a mentor, it’s extremely rewarding to know you’re making a difference!

Be a Mentor: If you see someone struggling to take the path you’re already well on your way down, reach back and lend them a helping hand. Ask them if they’d like some mentoring along they way (some folks are too shy to ask!), being careful not to assume it’s automatically welcome! Nobody likes an unsolicited know-it-all, and unsolicited feedback’s always dangerous. If someone screws up their courage enough to approach YOU and ask you to mentor them – give it a shot. If you find you aren’t enjoying it or don’t have the time, you can always help them find someone else more appropriate, but at least reward their courage with a session or two. It will make you both feel good!

Cheers and all my best to you!
~Brooxi

"Always be eager to learn, no matter how successful you might already be. In the Millionaires’ Club, we sometimes invite a billionaire to come talk to us. He says, ‘You’re doing okay, but come on. How about if you really poured it on!’"

- Jim Rohn

© Stephanie Brooks 2008

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

“At some point, I’d like to eat every part of a pig”

As I was tidying up my office today, I was flipping through and retiring old notebooks, some over five years and five business models ago. I came across a quotation of note from my old buddy Benji, who in the summer of 2004 had remarked, “At some point I’d like to eat every part of a pig!”

It made me laugh as much today as it did on the day he said it (thus why I wrote it down), and it prompted me to drop a quick note to some of the old team just to say hi and share my giggle. Benji IM’ed me shortly thereafter, with the wise observations… “Amazin’ quote … genius. Don’t know if I still hold to that belief!” I chuckled and suggested to him, “Don’t believe everything you think… someday down the line you may find you disagree with your younger self!” ha ha ha ha ha!

It’s so true, isn’t it? Today, each of us is pretty sure that whatever we believe is true (otherwise, by definition - we wouldn't believe it!), even those of us who know that we don’t *know* everything. We know our beliefs though, and gosh-darn-it, THEY ARE VALID (insert some adamant podium thumping here!)!!

OK, slow down Nelly. Besides the fact that it’s logically IMPOSSIBLE for us ALL to be right about EVERYTHING (especially when any two people will have at least one fundamental thing they disagree on between them), our beliefs are fluid, changing and evolving with each day that passes. We find a new perspective, or gain a little wisdom, or perhaps have cold-hard-reality thrust in our faces against our will. Over time, we grow as individuals, and our beliefs adjust along the way. The funny thing is that the longer time goes on, as I told Benji, the greater the chances that we now are disagreeing with our younger selves. Project this forward – in another 20 years or so – you’ll be disagreeing with the YOU of today! Hmm – maybe some of your beliefs today may not stand the test of your own time and perspective, let alone everyone else’s. Goodness – now we’re not only disagreeing with everyone else in the world, we’re disagreeing with ourselves too! What is this world coming to?

Action Challenge: Next time you’re adamantly on your soap box about something, give pause. Be open minded to hearing out the beliefs of others and to challenging your own. Remember that others believe as strongly in theirs as you do in yours, and who is to say who is right and who is wrong? Examine your beliefs from time to time, and truly evaluate whether they are your beliefs from today, or just unexamined leftovers from a younger you. It’s perfectly fine to come right back to where you started; in fact you may find this self-examination reinforces those beliefs stronger than they started. It’s equally fine to throw out an obsolete belief that is no longer part of you, even if you once defended it to the bitter end. It’s all about your own growth and evolution… which will happen with our without your consent. Go with the flow and don’t take yourself too seriously along the way!

Cheers and all my best to you!
~Brooxi

The man who views the world at fifty, the same as he did at twenty, has wasted thirty years of his life.

-Muhammed Ali

© Stephanie Brooks 2008