Playing the Blame Game

No, Life Is Not Fair. Get Over It.

With the exception of TSA Steve, I’ve had a few frustrating travel experiences lately. With an unusual ferocity of summer thunderstorms lately, my flight from JFK to IAD came within 20 minutes of landing, then was turned around to go all the way back to JFK, presumably to get more gas. Upon arrival, we were told the flight was canceled, and all passengers were booked on the next flight or the next day. I, as luck would have it, was rebooked on the 6am flight the next day.

I was so frustrated!! I wanted to get mad at someone, to have someone apologize and take responsibility for my inconvenience, and to make it all right again. The problem is, there isn’t anyone to blame, and no amount of compensation could give me my lost time back! Nobody controls the weather (and if you have faith in God, it’s usually not such a great idea to blame Him either, eh?). All of the other surrounding airports were filled with planes diverted ahead of us. The gas tank is only so big, and nobody can magically make a commercial flight refill in the air. Putting everything in perspective, the last time my flight turned around in the air and went back to its origin was September when I was starting a 24 hr journey home from the Philippines. That time, an unfortunate soul had a heart attack downstairs in our 747, and needed urgent medical attention. He didn’t make it – hard to really lay blame on him either, under those circumstances. The New York flight paled by comparison.

So what to do? It was a challenge to keep my peace and harmony on the inside, but somehow I managed. There was nothing I could do about the flight, so being pretty determined to sleep in my own bed that night, I took the AirTrain to the Subway to Penn Station and bought a ticket on the next train to Union Station. From there, I took the Metro to the end of the Orange line, had my dearest one pick me up at the station, drive me 30 miles to my car at the airport, and I drove home from there. Planes, trains, and automobiles, oh my! On the upside, I also got to read two terrific books, one that I brought with me, and one that I picked up in Penn Station. I don’t get to read for fun often, so that was definitely a bonus.

It’s human nature to assign blame when we feel we’ve been wronged. We all seem to *need* someone to take the fall – to own up and pay for the transgression. As a society in America, I think it’s fair to say we like to sue one another somewhat freely. You see a lot of questionable lawsuits, and more often than not, outrageous settlements! Reality check: in many situations, THERE IS NO ONE TO BLAME. Shit happens (pardon my French), but rather than finding a way to get out of the bad situation quickly, most of us prefer wallowing in it while assigning blame instead, and in some cases, figuring out a way to profit from it. It’s much healthier to assess the existing situation, decide what the desired outcome is (meaning, “I want to get home tonight,” or “I’m going to find a hotel and go see a Broadway show,” …not “I want the airlines to pay me lots of money for my inconvenience that they had nothing to do with, since they can’t control the weather either,”) and put all your energies toward getting there as smoothly as possible.

Secondly, as imperfect humans we are uncomfortable being wrong, and if something isn’t going well in our lives, or if we didn’t do something as well as we’d like to, we need to find a reason to explain it away. If I work too much, it’s because the company made me do it [I chose not to look for another job or talk to my boss about getting help]. If I am overweight, it’s because the fast food companies do too good a job at marketing [I chose not to make healthier food choices, or didn’t exercise enough]. If my lost my job, it’s because my boss hates me [I didn’t do a good job, or didn’t upgrade my skill set when it was lacking]. As a general statement, blame is weak – it’s a cop out! It’s harder to take accountability for your own destiny, but you sure do go farther in life!

Action Challenge: Take responsibility for everything that is within your sphere of control. Understand that a lot of things that happen aren’t anybody’s fault, and it just is what it is. Recognize that even if someone or something did do something “against” you, what’s done is done, and it’s now a fact. How you respond, and what you do next remains in YOUR hands. Blaming the catalyst only holds you back – focus not on attributing blame to something that happened in the past, but shaping how your future is going to adapt to it.

Cheers and all my best to you!
~Brooxi

"It is what it is!" - Jason Cherry (repeatedly!!!)

© Stephanie Brooks 2008